At one time in our careers, we all worked as freelancers. It’s fun, you get to pick your work, no annoying project managers, no accounts managers, no managers at all. You’re your own boss. Just you and the project. And yeah, almost forgot, the client.
Because most freelancers are cowboy programmers that work from home, sooner or later the project will fall behind schedule. Reasons include proximity to the fridge (also has a devastating effect on the waist), games that are installed on that computer, movies and so on. What do you think most people will choose between eating a huge sandwich and drinking some beer while watching the new episode of Heroes and working? Yeah, my point exactly.
And when you’re behind schedule and the client asks you for a status update, you’ll do what every other moral person would. Lie about it! But try to do it with style and in a way that won’t get you caught. Most common lies are:
- “I’ve worked on the database” since nobody can actually check that
- “I’ve solved some security issues” again, really hard for somebody to actually check that
- “We have a small problem with the server’s configuration, I’m working on it now” somehow implies that is not your fault
- “I haven’t done the layout part yet, but everything else is ready” but I can’t show it to you without the layout now, can I?
- “My (retarded) neighbour flooded me, but don’t worry, your files are safe” should work, as long as he’s not your neighbour…
- “We’re almost there, I’ll set up a demo environment for you by tomorrow noon” like coping some files on a FTP host takes a day and a half
- I’ve worked on optimization…riiiiiiiiiiiiight
And in the end, a meaningful quote: I did not have sexual relations with that woman – Bill Clinton.